Random Thought #7

Large quantities of time, chunks of five to ten hours, are a huge benefit for a variety of reasons:

• those piled up small projects can be tackled
• the stuff you know will bless the wife can be done
  
• any backlog of one's regular job -- sifted, prioritized, accomplished and checked off
  
• long moments of reflection experienced
• reading, both for relaxation and mental stimulation, practiced
• creative projects -- planned, started, pushed along, or finished
• computer games can be played-- almost without guilt
  

The compelling thing that happens for me in such a boon, is self-awareness. With the pressure off to perform required tasks by a particular deadline, my real self begins to emerge. My decision-making, its patterns and directions, are no longer a mental sub-program that I live with but largely do not notice. In the slow down of life, decision-making over time use is right up front in my consciousness.

One thing I noticed about myself these past two snow days with the demands of daily life ratcheted way down, there is not much I want to do just because it is something I want. Most of the items I tackled were for other people. Many of these projects had some selfish aspect to them, though I chose them for others. The selfish aspect was the positive return doing projects for others would bring me.

This is not a bad circumstance to be avoided. Practically, others being aware of how you spend your time and making the choice to do something someone else wants done is noticeable. (The converse, not choosing to do something someone else wants done when you have the time is very noticeable, as well-- particularly by one's spouse!) People tend to know I have done something if for no other reason I cannot make myself invisible. Actions in the real world are seen. Giving in secret, an act of kindness or support done without others able to view and evaluate, is the exception.

That last point was a bit of a tangent. I guess I'm just rambling here.

I enjoyed the free time, but it actually makes me a little aimless. I realized that I tend to write when I want to mount my bully pulpit. My purpose in writing is a motivation to make my opinions known. Not a bad thing necessarily. The sharing of thoughts and opinions is part of life. However, I confronted me these past two days over why do I keep blogging. When I don't have a an opinion needing to get out, I am little motivated to write.